If you listened to me play the guitar for 10 seconds you’d think I know what I am doing, at 20 seconds . . . not so much. There’s only so many cool sounding ways to play Smoke On The Water and La Grange. My parents bought me a second hand Gibson LG acoustic guitar when I was 12, the year my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He was sick for a little over two years.
In September 1975, three months after my dad died, the Ozark Mountain Daredevils released The Car Over The Lake album. I played one song on that record over and over and over to the point that I might have worn it out. The song was “Cobblestone Mountain” written and sung by Steve Cash. It’s a slow and haunting song that is easy to sing along with and I did. Repeatedly. My Magnavox record player with two speakers was perched on my dresser in my bedroom. I’d put the song on, sit on the floor alone, my back against my dresser and could feel the vibrations of the music.
Cobblestone mountain it was made by hand
From the magic and mortar of a cobblestone man
Cobblestone mountain it was laid by hand
From the magic and mortar in a cobblestone land
Magic and mortar in a cobblestone land
I have no idea what the song means but I didn’t need to know. I felt it. I sang it and I learned how to play the C and G chords on my Gibson and played along with it. To me it was a kind of Gregorian Chant. That song, that music, Steve’s voice, my guitar, those two chords, my voice, all contributed in a mysterious way to my healing.
Dr. Karen Scott, adolescent grief expert and co-founder of Lost & Found Grief Center, says “Music is an avenue to the soul. It touches us in places like nothing else can. This begins when we’re very young. It’s why we use music therapy for grieving children of all ages at Lost & Found.”
My friend, Abby Mercer, music therapy intern, said my experience was not surprising at all:
Music is so effective as a tool for therapy because it is a multi sensory experience. When you listen to music, you are engaging with cognitive, physical, and emotional elements. Music is also an incredibly validating experience for people going through the grieving process. We often connect with sad songs when we are feeling sad because it is validating to know that someone else has had those feelings. Physiologically, music can regulate heartbeat, decrease blood pressure, and increase dopamine in the brain. Making music, whether playing an instrument or singing along to a song in the car, is a very healing experience both emotionally and physically. Music is the only stimulus that activates the entire brain, so it allows us to process emotions more effectively.
Amen Abby! That explains everything. I’ll have some more of that please.
How could I have known back then that one day Steve Cash’s daughter in law, Allison Cash, would become our Chief Operating Officer at Askinosie Chocolate and serve on the board at Chocolate University. A few years ago I was fortunate to have lunch with Steve and thank him with a lump of gratitude in my throat that made it hard to talk. He was so kind. Sadly, Steve Cash died a few weeks ago. I can hope that his family will find a sliver of comfort and peace in the healing music he leaves behind.
I’ve worked with our teen group (those who have experienced the death of a loved one) at Lost & Found for about 8 years as a volunteer group facilitator. I’ve seen the healing power of music first hand. Grief can be gut wrenching hard work. It’s not something that happens to us. It’s something we do. Grief is a language of love that we can learn even though we would have chosen another language to master if given the choice. Music can be a balm for our broken hearts. It was for mine and remains so to this day. I still have that old guitar and occasionally play it just to see if I still know Smoke On The Water and Cobblestone Mountain.
My advice: if you know a heartbroken child you might consider buying him or her a guitar this holiday season. It could be just the thing their soul is yearning for. It need not be expensive. Anything that will play a C or a G will do.